You Wanna Run That By Me Again? (31)

I had a different post that was to go up for the Hump Day Blog, but I HAD to touch on this. And it all stemmed from a photograph on Instagram that I am in TOTAL agreement with.

An absolute truth...

An absolute truth…

For those who may not be familiar w what I actually look like, I am a “dark-skinned” African-American Woman. Yet, in order to be considered “pretty” or “beautiful”, the skin tone that carries the most beauty, stereotypically, is one w a lighter hue. The phrase “you are pretty for a dark skin girl” has been said to me on several occasions, and each time, it was not taken as a compliment…because it’s NOT a compliment. Saying someone is pretty FOR any reason other than just being “pretty” is insulting, rude, offensive, disrespectful and extremely ignorant. It’s the same as saying something like ‘you are very attractive for a business owner’–does that make any sense? Neither does the message in that photo…

When I was a little girl, living in the South, I was often teased FOR my dark skin. I was called all kinds of names, and words do indeed hurt (you can lie to yourself if you want to). I would come home crying to my parents about how I was made fun of, and all because I was usually the child w the darkest skin in my classes. Thankfully, I was blessed w parents and extended family who always encouraged me, loved me, and accepted me w everything that I had. I have always been beautiful to them because I was a part of them. But w them loving and validating me (as parents and family SHOULD do), it’s NOTHING like realizing your worth on your very own. The very first time I heard someone say to me ‘you know, you are pretty for a dark skin girl’, I was angered. I vividly remember saying, in one of those instances, ‘you wanna run that by me again?’–they looked at me as if to say ‘did I say something wrong?’, and I proceeded to explain that I’m not pretty FOR a dark skin girl, but that I am a “pretty girl”. They reluctantly received what I was saying…good…just as long as they “got it”… (sidebar: me being a “pretty girl” has nothing to do w my Sorority lol).

I am a beautiful, dark-skinned woman…not beautiful FOR a dark-skinned woman; there is a difference in the two statements; a very BIG difference. I take great care of my skin (I’m actually pretty anal about it lbs), and it’s blemish free and soft to the touch (thanks to Drop’s skin care secrets). I keep myself together because that’s something that I love to do for me; others just take notice. I have a desire to encourage as many people as I can, and I try to look for ways to constantly improve “me”. Outside of that, I believe that I am beautiful; so that in and of itself MAKES me beautiful.

It’s always a good thing to watch what you say and how you say something. Don’t worry though; if you say this to me, I’ll get you straight!

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(Have you liked this page? Go now!)
Elle

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Men And Women: What You Should Know (4)

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…this ain’t about to be your average “relationship” blog; yall see those frequently, and I’m not about to discuss my own (WHICH, by the way, is awesome). But at any rate, *clears throat and smiles*, I just want it to be known that there really isn’t MUCH difference between women and men. The OBVIOUS difference doesn’t need to be stated (hello), but think on these things for a sec:

1. Women can be emotionally charged; but so can men.
2. Men can be nonchalant, unmoved, and uncaring; but so can women.
3. Women can be opportunists/gold diggers/seeking to be “arm candy”; but so can men.
4. Men can date 12 other ppl and still hold #ONE higher than the rest; buuuuuuuuut so can women.
5. Women seek to be single parents (seeing A LOT of that lately); but men seek that as well…rare, but they do..
6. Men go to the barber shop for hair cuts/linings; huh…so do women (I personally have a barber).
7. Women are graceful in ballet; so are men.
8. Men hoop and play football; so do women.
9. Women can be multi-taskers and run a house like a champ; so can men.
10. Men can fall in love and STAY in love; so can women.
11. Women sell their bodies for MORE than just sex; so do men.
12. Men are gadget geeks; I know PLENTY of women gadget geeks lol
13. Women can nurture your mind, heart, and soul; so can men.
14. Men provide financial/emotional/physical security; women can provide this as well.
15. Women can LAY SOME HAIR OUT; hell, SO CAN MEN!!
16. Men can totally be attractive in uniform; so can women!
17. Women like to talk; so do men!
18. Men are known to be rigid and unbending; women are as well.
19. Women accept engagement rings; gtfoh! so do men!
20: Men are strong spiritual leaders in their homes; women are known for that as well.

I could go on…I stopped at 20 randomly…but the thing you REALLY should know is that you MUST take the person for who he is, not based on the stereotypes associated w “gender”. That’s part of the problem w any kind of relationship i.e. intimate, fraternal, spiritual, platonic, etc. We fail to accept the PERSON. I’ll tell you all something–and it’s something that people MAY not readily know about me–I wasn’t always excited about marriage…but see, you wouldn’t know that #now based on where I am in my life. Not by a clock though…being in love brought about that change in me. Seeing that marriages DO ACTUALLY WORK (along w having an example of “til death do us part” in my own home) kept a good taste about marriage in my mouth. However…had I decided that #Sir was EVERYTHING that EVERY guy was in my past, then I’d probably still swear off marriage, or love in general. Same for my girls: I’ve experienced an incident where a certain young lady just could NOT BELIEVE that her then boo and I were just cool. He and I were cool prior to her invitation into his life. But BECAUSE SHE COULD NOT grasp a relationship w a guy that didn’t involve sex, she perceived he and I to be bumpin’ buddies. Had I assumed that all women were this way, I wouldn’t have the Sisters that I have in: JoAnna Vanessa Wilborn, LaKeshia Adams, LaToya Lyons, Dawnielle Alfred, Charisma Branch, Cynara Baines, Jamie Fair, Shena Beamon, Roslyn Davis, Fiesha Burge, and Ambra Hendrix. I just wouldn’t have any of them; they accepted me for me, and I them.

IDK…if you want the best out of a situation, don’t expect a certain result based on what a person “is”. Look at what they bring. Embrace something other than your stereotype!

*smoochface*

Elle