Just A Quick Pet Peeve…

Sitting in my favorite coffee shop, and in walks one of those “extra important people”…by that I mean someone who comes in the coffee shop either talking loudly to other coffee house guests, or someone who comes in talking loudly on their cell phones.

He is talking loudly on his cell phone.

He, along with so many others, is the reason that I LOVE ear buds and the peace I get simply from plugging them into my ears.

I was actually wrapping up some work that I was completing, and completely forget to include another item on my agenda. In walks “extra important”. Not only talking loudly, but wearing the loudest cologne EVER CREATED. And where does he sit? At a table directly in front of me, and positioned himself to face me as well. So I’m catching it ALL. I QUICKLY grabbed my earbuds back out of my purse, slid them in my ears, and turned on iTunes. I have completed tuned him out…unfortunately, earbuds don’t work on bogus cologne.

At any rate, one of my biggest pet peeves is someone who speaks EXTREMELY loud, and for what seems like no other reason than to let someone know “he look at me, I’m here”. Sir, please have a nice seat because I can’t with you today.

Now…coffee shops aren’t “libraries”, and I’m fully aware that people will talk w friends/business partners/have phone conversations. But to be “extra important” is really…well…whack. There actually is a coffee shop protocol to follow, and the loud conversations and loud cologne aren’t included.

“Extra Important” has left the building. I can now remove my earbuds (if I choose), and work in peace.

Moral of the Story: just be respectful of your neighbors in general. Some people naturally talk loud…but the same people who naturally talk loud, are fully aware that they do. Can’t tell me otherwise LOL!

Enjoy your Thursday!

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What You Want vs What You Accept

Currently digesting information from these pages:

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Author Steve Harvey is not necessarily “liked” by many, as it relates to his advice on relationships…I actually like him, and I agree w quite a bit of what he discusses in this book and in “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”.

One thing I am noticing in today’s relationship society is that people are looking for that “quick fix”, or the situation that yields mostly, or only, tangibles. Hmmmm…if I’m honest with MYSELF (speaking for Lauran Adell ONLY) I know that I want more than just a handbag or a trip to an exotic island. On page 56 of the book “Straight Talk, No Chaser”, Steve makes a VERY strong statement. He says “…accepting gifts from a guy without getting what you want in return is nothing more than an advanced form of prostitution”. What makes this statement so TRUE is that I know women who willingly accept gifts from men, yet secretly desire a real relationship (if your BOYFRIEND/FIANCE/HUSBAND buys gifts for you, that’s different–I’m not referring to those women). When a woman accepts those gifts, handbags and trips, without getting what she truly wants, she is in fact a “bought woman”; you JUST told a man that you have a “set price”, not that you are “priceless”. This ALSO speaks to the fact that a Father or Father figure is JUST AS important in a girl-child’s life as one is in a boy-child’s life. (DISCLAIMER: this is not to say that a woman is ONLY strong if she has a Father/Father-figure; this is merely stating the IMPORTANCE of said role in a girl-child’s life…keep reading!)

My Father, bless his HUGE heart, is the BEST MAN IN THE WORLD to me; a modern-day Superman!

Here I am w my Daddy at a luncheon at our church, where he Pastors, where the men were honored:

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He has made it so that I don’t ever have to want or need for anything!

Because he was (and still is) very active in my life, I understand that I deserve the very best that a man has to offer. My Father has ALWAYS given me his best, even when I didn’t want to hear what he had to say on certain topics; but that didn’t stop him from being the best Daddy to me…I salute him and how he has been very crucial in how I handle men. BECAUSE OF HIS INFLUENCE, I can smell the proverbial bullsh*t miles away.

Steve Harvey hits on SEVERAL points about how to deal w men and how to get what you would like out of men (i.e. commitments , honesty, etc, not referring to tangible items–please…), but one thing that he will state, and states OFTEN is the fact that if you aren’t getting what you desire out of your relationship/if you feel that it is going nowhere/if he won’t commit, LET HIM GO. I love how he refuses to sugar coat a situation w his female audience…and for some, it’s just what we need to hear/read. What you want HONESTLY is that commitment; so why settle by merely accepting gifts that only pacify you for the moment? It’s easier to manuever through these situations w men when you KNOW YOUR OWN PERSONAL VALUE. It’s only a problem when you have no clue as to who you actually are and what YOU actually want.

I know what I want and I won’t settle for less than I deserve; I have my Father to thank for that! My Mother (may her soul rest in heavenly peace) was married to a KING (my Daddy); she encouraged him, supported his vision(s), and stood by him. Also, my Dad knew he was blessed with a Queen–and he treated her as such! A woman who encourages her significant other and supports him will ultimately make a man “want” to change his ways FOR HER! You can’t “change a man”, but you can be so phenomenal that he commits to making changes on his own…KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

MOM AND DAD

There is no textbook method in getting to know someone, however you have to truly evaluate and sometimes RE-evaluate your situation on a regular basis.

Are you getting what you want?
Or are you getting what you accept? I’m hoping you know the difference…trust me; the men ALREADY KNOW THE GAME; we have to “navigate the plays”, ladies!

(FYI: if your man is honest w you, he will acknowledge his growth (or lack thereof) with you, and will let you know JUST how valuable you are to his life…I never said that love is easy, but I do know that love should not hurt you, and is ABSOLUTELY worth it!)

To Sir: Wherever you are as you read my blog, I Love You; I appreciate you allowing me to love you the way that I am designed to love a man, I am grateful for your support of everything that I do, I will always encourage you to be the best that you can be, I have your back, and life has been amazing since you’ve entered into it. Thank You for being there for me; no matter what we have gone thru, I wouldn’t change a thing…I know, just like I knew back in 2011, that I am in good hands. *muah* 

ELLE

You Wanna Run That By Me Again? (31)

I had a different post that was to go up for the Hump Day Blog, but I HAD to touch on this. And it all stemmed from a photograph on Instagram that I am in TOTAL agreement with.

An absolute truth...

An absolute truth…

For those who may not be familiar w what I actually look like, I am a “dark-skinned” African-American Woman. Yet, in order to be considered “pretty” or “beautiful”, the skin tone that carries the most beauty, stereotypically, is one w a lighter hue. The phrase “you are pretty for a dark skin girl” has been said to me on several occasions, and each time, it was not taken as a compliment…because it’s NOT a compliment. Saying someone is pretty FOR any reason other than just being “pretty” is insulting, rude, offensive, disrespectful and extremely ignorant. It’s the same as saying something like ‘you are very attractive for a business owner’–does that make any sense? Neither does the message in that photo…

When I was a little girl, living in the South, I was often teased FOR my dark skin. I was called all kinds of names, and words do indeed hurt (you can lie to yourself if you want to). I would come home crying to my parents about how I was made fun of, and all because I was usually the child w the darkest skin in my classes. Thankfully, I was blessed w parents and extended family who always encouraged me, loved me, and accepted me w everything that I had. I have always been beautiful to them because I was a part of them. But w them loving and validating me (as parents and family SHOULD do), it’s NOTHING like realizing your worth on your very own. The very first time I heard someone say to me ‘you know, you are pretty for a dark skin girl’, I was angered. I vividly remember saying, in one of those instances, ‘you wanna run that by me again?’–they looked at me as if to say ‘did I say something wrong?’, and I proceeded to explain that I’m not pretty FOR a dark skin girl, but that I am a “pretty girl”. They reluctantly received what I was saying…good…just as long as they “got it”… (sidebar: me being a “pretty girl” has nothing to do w my Sorority lol).

I am a beautiful, dark-skinned woman…not beautiful FOR a dark-skinned woman; there is a difference in the two statements; a very BIG difference. I take great care of my skin (I’m actually pretty anal about it lbs), and it’s blemish free and soft to the touch (thanks to Drop’s skin care secrets). I keep myself together because that’s something that I love to do for me; others just take notice. I have a desire to encourage as many people as I can, and I try to look for ways to constantly improve “me”. Outside of that, I believe that I am beautiful; so that in and of itself MAKES me beautiful.

It’s always a good thing to watch what you say and how you say something. Don’t worry though; if you say this to me, I’ll get you straight!

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(Have you liked this page? Go now!)
Elle

Enough For Everyone! (27)

One thing I’ve noticed in my adult years, is that kids aren’t the only ones who don’t particularly like to “share”. Big ole grown men and women have a difficult time either sharing the spotlight, acknowledging a milestone in the life of another, or are just down right all about self.

I know I’m not the only one who has experienced some form of “hatred” or pettiness directed at them. In every single situation, everyone has that “thing” which sets them apart from the next person. And that’s ABSOLUTELY the way it should be. For example, I am a singer. God gave me that very sweet gift, and I use it #wisely. However, God also gave Faith Evans, Brandy, Dorinda Clark-Cole, and August NightinGale those very same sweet gifts. My sound is not like theirs; and because I appreciate my own gift over anything, I can celebrate the impact that THEIR gifts have had, and continue to have, on my musical ear. To attempt to chip away at them as artists, downplay their success, or to completely try to copy their styles, means that my focus has shifted away from my own gift. There’s nothing wrong w my gift…and I can celebrate them as well as celebrate my own. Those women mentioned above can straight up and down SING. Period. They have a gift that they work on continuously…and so do I! If there’s enough room for all of those vocal beasts to walk around and ALL be amazing, there’s also room for me to be just as awesome in my own way!

As a community of “people”–not focusing on any specific race (because every race “hates” on another)–we need to do better in learning what our own personal value is FIRST. I said this yesterday in response to a post that I was reading…”so much would NOT take place when a person is secure in themselves; and so much WILL take place when a person is NOT secure in themselves”. Just think: if you are confident in your own abilities, another person’s gifts/talents won’t sideswipe or impact yours at all. Your belief in self HAS to be first priority. No one will be able to do anything in the fashion that YOU do things; focus on that! You are a brand…yes #you…and there is enough room for you to “make it”! The next person is also a brand. If you are lucky enough to experience your neighbor’s blessing/breakthrough, praise God for it; because that means He’s in your neighborhood (My Daddy says this OFTEN…and it’s so true; I’m living this now)! I have met some people in such a short period of time, who have received tremendous blessings in their personal and professional endeavors, and I’m thankful to be able to SEE it!

I MUST thank all of my #true supporters in my business ventures, and the ones close enough to see what I’ve been blessed w in my personal life; I love you and I thank God for all of you. God made enough room for EVERYBODY to get it! Celebrate and be grateful for the space provided to you, and you’ll be able to easily celebrate someone else’s!

Elle

Keep Moving!! (21)

Don’t you absolutely HATE when someone takes something that you’ve expressed in the WORST context possible? And often times, it’s because they may be stressed out or tired?

Not your problem right? Right!

Someone took me making a correction to them, regarding something very personal to me, COMPLETELY in the wrong spirit, and as a result, I received a very snippy message. Now…20+ yr old Elle may have snipped back lol, but I didn’t. The thing that they were incorrect on is STILL important to me, and…in spite of their feelings, the correction had to be made clear. Period. No apologies, no take backs. I responded to the party accordingly, and separately from the group. This individual is a total asset to a specific project, and I don’t take their work/dedication/affiliation lightly. HOW-IN-SO-EVER…lol the thing personal to me still matters. So at the end of the day, I still appreciate that person, but they need to make note of the correction.

Thinking before “snipping” could save a relationship (professional or personal) from being “clipped”. Also, making sure to always “be you” and to be true to what matters in your life teaches another person respect FOR your life, whether they “like” you or not. As for the incident I experienced, we’ll just hope the other party is getting enough rest at night! Stress mixed w being tired is no good for the body and the mind!!

Think before you “snip”!

Smile ANYWAY! (19)

It’s times like these (in the midst of branching out and starting my own) that I have faced the MOST ignorance, hatred, arrogance, negativity, and pessimism. Welp! I smile ANYWAY.

People make fun or make light of things important to me; I smile ANYWAY.

People suggest that I go THEIR road, instead of paving my own way w faith, of course. I smile ANYWAY.

My passions and pleasures are expected to mirror that of another, or I’m supposed to just “be” a certain way because of who I’m related to. Well damnit…I smile ANYWAY.

I do the best that I can at being me, yet for some? EVEN THAT ain’t good enough. I smile ANY effing way.

There are slick jabs, subtweets, back stabs, and pure tasteless actions directed in my path. Honey…I realize that Lucifer has “relatives”. I smile at them too lol

Ever since God determined me to be “good enough”–and in some cases, better than that–I knew that life would be great, w a Lil side of bullshat. Who am I to think that I would be able to bypass darts and daggers? Hell, why NOT me? When people make the not-well-thought-out attempt to tell me how I should live? I smile ANYWAY.

Don’t you know I’m covered from my head CLEAN down to the pink polish on my toes? Will people be there on assignment to test my strength? Yup. Is the devil doing his job by attempting to bring discord in my most valuable and exclusive relationships? Yup. Will I succumb to the pressure to be like “every other PR agent in the world”? Naw. Should my blogs be gender specific or only in “one box”? Nope. I’m too many different levels of smart, beautiful, talented, mysterious, and clever. God made me this way; and because He just “IS”…I smile ANYWAY.

Elle

How Does This Thing Work?! (13)

Ever wonder how relationships work?

Ever ponder whether or not it’s even worth the risk of heartache?  Or even the potential of having/meeting the one true love of your life?  It’s definitely not an easy task to take on, and you have to be comfortable (or content, if that makes you feel better) w the fact that the RISK is EQUAL TO the potential REWARD…I mean you REALLY have to come to grips w that…

Well…I took a class, back in the Fall of 2010 at my church.  It was the first time that this course was offered for people who may be thinking of (and who had questions regarding) long-term relationships i.e. #MARRIAGE.  Since that is something I am considering in my future, I wanted to know WHY I was even considering such a covenant (even though a healthy marriage was on FULL DISPLAY in my home w my Parents).  The title of the class? “Before We Say I Do”, based off of a book written by Marvin A. McMickle.  This is the book that my Father uses for his couples going thru pre-marital counseling (my Father is a Pastor and a mighty good one).  The book talks about 7 Steps To A Healthy Marriage, and the Chapter Titles are Faith, Friendship, Frankness, Forgiveness, Fidelity, Finance, and Family (even if you do not desire marriage, this book is a GREAT read). The book goes into SERIOUS depth about all of those things, and even shows how all of them are connected.  In the course we watched movie snippets, had class exercises–some were men vs women lol–and we talked openly about our fears and what we were looking forward to in marriage.  There were plenty of single parties in the course…some engaged couples, even some couples ALREADY married, but looking to get a better understanding of how they could be better IN their marriage.  I later came to find out that some of the couples that were in the class parted ways.  And I just wondered if maybe they figured out (for themselves) that it just wasn’t worth the risk…?

One HUGE point that will ALWAYS stick out from that class is the fact that it will always be a challenge bringing two different households together.  Your mate was shaped by their families, or lack thereof, as were you.  However, you should come together and be in agreement on the MAJOR things (refer back to the 7 chapter titles above).  For example, if your significant other prefers to smoke his/her life away and hang out in the streets every chance he/she gets, and you are not interested in those things, problems will arise.  If BOTH of you are “shoppers” vs one being a shopper and one being a saver, or BOTH of you being tight wads w the funds, then oh yes indeedington…problems will arise LMAO.  If you are one w a strong work ethic, realizing the absolute truth of “if you don’t work, you don’t eat”, and your significant other can’t hold a job due to reasons such as “I don’t like people telling me what to do” (yet AINT STARTED ANRA-NARRY BUSINESS TO BRING IN REVENUE, but thinks he/she gives sound advice on HOW to move around in life), problems will arise.  Not saying that the two of you can’t have different views on things, but on the MAJOR things though?  Yeah…you’re gonna have a problem if those don’t mesh.  If you don’t like sports and he/she does, fine.  If you aren’t interested in sushi and he/she is, that’s fine.  If he/she thinks the idea of “money well spent” means how many times you buy up the bar at various clubs though…you get where I’m going w this.

**So how DOES it work?  You have to communicate; LISTEN; be honest about what you want; be straight forward about what you will and will not deal with; learn the definition of the word “compromise”; be supportive; show RESPECT…and while you’re doing all of things, don’t lose yourself during the process and pursuit of a healthy relationship. It’s always been ok to just be YOU…so why change what attracted them to you in the first place?  It’s scary to love someone, and allow yourself to be close to them…risky, yet rewarding; I’m all for it…

**–this paragraph in particular is also relative in platonic/familial relationships, not JUST intimate ones…#CLEVER huh?

*smoochface*

Elle