You Wanna Run That By Me Again? (31)

I had a different post that was to go up for the Hump Day Blog, but I HAD to touch on this. And it all stemmed from a photograph on Instagram that I am in TOTAL agreement with.

An absolute truth...

An absolute truth…

For those who may not be familiar w what I actually look like, I am a “dark-skinned” African-American Woman. Yet, in order to be considered “pretty” or “beautiful”, the skin tone that carries the most beauty, stereotypically, is one w a lighter hue. The phrase “you are pretty for a dark skin girl” has been said to me on several occasions, and each time, it was not taken as a compliment…because it’s NOT a compliment. Saying someone is pretty FOR any reason other than just being “pretty” is insulting, rude, offensive, disrespectful and extremely ignorant. It’s the same as saying something like ‘you are very attractive for a business owner’–does that make any sense? Neither does the message in that photo…

When I was a little girl, living in the South, I was often teased FOR my dark skin. I was called all kinds of names, and words do indeed hurt (you can lie to yourself if you want to). I would come home crying to my parents about how I was made fun of, and all because I was usually the child w the darkest skin in my classes. Thankfully, I was blessed w parents and extended family who always encouraged me, loved me, and accepted me w everything that I had. I have always been beautiful to them because I was a part of them. But w them loving and validating me (as parents and family SHOULD do), it’s NOTHING like realizing your worth on your very own. The very first time I heard someone say to me ‘you know, you are pretty for a dark skin girl’, I was angered. I vividly remember saying, in one of those instances, ‘you wanna run that by me again?’–they looked at me as if to say ‘did I say something wrong?’, and I proceeded to explain that I’m not pretty FOR a dark skin girl, but that I am a “pretty girl”. They reluctantly received what I was saying…good…just as long as they “got it”… (sidebar: me being a “pretty girl” has nothing to do w my Sorority lol).

I am a beautiful, dark-skinned woman…not beautiful FOR a dark-skinned woman; there is a difference in the two statements; a very BIG difference. I take great care of my skin (I’m actually pretty anal about it lbs), and it’s blemish free and soft to the touch (thanks to Drop’s skin care secrets). I keep myself together because that’s something that I love to do for me; others just take notice. I have a desire to encourage as many people as I can, and I try to look for ways to constantly improve “me”. Outside of that, I believe that I am beautiful; so that in and of itself MAKES me beautiful.

It’s always a good thing to watch what you say and how you say something. Don’t worry though; if you say this to me, I’ll get you straight!

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(Have you liked this page? Go now!)
Elle

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Thanksgiving Thanks And Thangs

I’m thankful that my grandmother Drop’s surgery was successful.

I’m thankful that my family is MY family.

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I’m thankful for entrepreneurship.

I’m thankful for little babies.

I’m thankful for marriage.

I’m thankful for my blog.

I’m thankful for the various opportunities that I’ve been given.

I’m thankful for the peace of mind of maintaining friendships.

I’m thankful for the peace of mind when I’ve severed relationships!

I’m thankful for music and singing.

I’m thankful for the love of my life.

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I’m thankful for puppies!!!

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I’m thankful for knowing how to “throw down” in the kitchen!

I’m thankful for the ability to hear what’s not being spoken.

I’m thankful for my smile AFTER July30.2012!

I’m thankful for my company!

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If I keep going, I’ll type until my fingers fall off.

I’m SUPER thankful for that last breath that I just took, as it surely may have been someone else’s “last breath”.

Thank you, Dear God, for all you’ve done! If you never do anything else, I thank you!!

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ELLE

Advice For A New Relationship (24)

*Names and any other identifiers have been changed to protect the privacy of any parties involved*

SCENARIO: “My boyfriend doesn’t know how to be a boyfriend. He’s 37 yrs old, and is clueless about relationships! He hasn’t been involved w anyone since 2002, and he’s been hurt before. I’ve planned all of our dates, told him how I’m feeling about things and he says he’ll change but has not. We’ve been together a few months now, but I’ve learned to place my relationship as a priority and if I get it, he should be able to as well. I asked him ‘do you even want this relationship?’ and he said ‘well it looks like you’ve already made your decision.’ On top of that, he never told me that he made us “official”…I found out from a friend that we were an official couple. He’s really a good guy though, but I feel alone. What should I do?”

ELLE’S RESPONSE: You are going to have to stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself as it relates to this relationship. No one told you to do everything…#YOU told you to do everything. Why not suggest to him that he should plan the next outing; don’t ask him what you all are going to do; just let him plan the entire date. He has to be made to feel that he is contributing to the relationship as well; if you do everything, he will never do ANYTHING. Also, show him how to treat you w your actions vs always having “super serious” conversations. The first thing you must do is take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. I could see if you all have been together for 6yrs or so…it’s only been a few months. You have to relax and have patience w him. He’s been hurt before, and in all honesty, it appears that he’s waiting on you to give up on him, because someone “giving up” may be what he’s accustomed to! Let him be involved in the relationship; of course you feel alone because you do EVERYTHING. He may be slightly discouraged to try his ideas out because you’ve made every decision. A relationship is about compromise; a man is a natural leader, so let him take the lead w things! However, even w that, a man has to realize that you aren’t like his past relationships…and if he’s been hurt, that takes a lil time and building trust. Give this time to flourish before you give up on what could very well be the relationship you’ve waited for!

(My friends frequently come to me for advice, and I am always there for them when they need me. I’m hoping that this has helped someone!)

Elle

Big Decisions (23)

I have had to make some major decisions in the past year (and an even larger decision will be made in the coming months). But the biggest decision that I have made–outside of starting PRbyELLE77–was to give my heart to another person…who appears to be the #right person.

It was not easy. I was EXTREMELY afraid of a repeat of my past encounters in relationships, but I made a decision to “let someone in”. My heart, as well as yours, is a saaaaaaaaaaacred space…SACRED…

The only being capable of keeping my heart safe is God. I know this for a fact; He gives ALL cares about me, and it’s ever apparent in the fact that He’s allowed me to see the light or gloom of a new day for the past 12,410 days (give or take lol). The only other man who has consistently loved me, and has always been w me, is my Daddy. To this day, I can count on his love and support. However, when I met my love three years ago, it was merely infatuation lol. I didn’t think much of it; I was “dating”. My heart was w me completely, and at that time, there were several men vying for my undivided attention. Whatever; they were “half-assin’ it”, so I played them just as short. It worked bc they eventually realized that I had made the decision to take them w a single grain of salt. Ha! Thinking back, I had a great time playing the field…but…

Let’s fast forward to 2011. Communication became more consistent; my heart would explode every time I would see, or even think of, this person; my smile was uncontrollable; butterflies had permanent residence in my belly! This was different…so I made a HUGE decision to open up to the possibility of “real”. And w that decision, I was deathly afraid. God didn’t give us fear…so I had to let that go…

Welp! We’re in 2012, and we’re happy…loving each other in a way that has never been expressed before for ANY others in our individual pasts. I’m also so in love w ME, that if anything ever happens w us, I’ll be thankful FOR this love. And it all started from a decision to try something new…

All I’m saying is…decisions have to be made everyday. It’s the BIG decisions, though, that require patience w yourself, serious attention to detail, and faith that you are doing the right thing–even if it may hurt. My big decisions speak to how much trust I have in my prayers going up, and how much faith I have in God to lead me down an approved path. I’ve even asked God (early on) to remove this man COMPLETELY, if he meant me no good. One year and 12 days later, he’s still around…I guess he can stay lolbvs…

Elle

Just One Moment (22)

ONE single moment can change your entire outlook on any given day…

July30th may not mean much to anyone–just a random Monday–however that was the day that I fought for my life. The Doctors came out of the operating room, into the waiting area, and told my Daddy “we’re losing her”; I’m NOT supposed to be here, but by God’s grace, I AM here. I will never look at July30th the same EVER again. That “moment” on the morning of July30th changed my life forever.

If a woman’s beau proposes to her on a Tuesday, whatever she experienced earlier that day will no longer matter; that four word question has changed her life, as well as his, and her Tuesdays from now until eternity will all be different.

You get into your car, headed to meet up w friends for a celebration, but you’re thrown off course because of a car accident, due to a driver running a red light. Your survival of/regrouping from that accident will change how you drive…even if you were not the cause of the loss.

We associate our life’s experiences w “moments”. The day you deliver your child will be associated w what you were doing the “moment” prior to labor lol. The day you got “that job” will be associated w what you were doing the “moment” you received the job notification! The smile that you may give a stranger in passing may be the very “moment” that they then made the decision to push through a difficult time, instead of jumping off of a cliff to their death. When “he” or “she” wholeheartedly expresses their love for you, (and you realize what it took for them to open up to you), will be associated w where the two of you were headed, what was on tv, whatever the “moment” may have been.

Moments matter, period. Life is simply a vast array of moments, waiting to be remembered. Creating beautiful moments won’t be just for you though, dearest readers. The smile you randomly give/gave may never reveal what that gesture may have done for someone else’s life, so just do it anyway–that’s creating a beautiful moment. It may be something that you’ve done out of habit; who says that habits can’t be good?

Sunday Morning!

It’s Sunday morning. I don’t know about anyone else, but this is one of the most PEACEFUL days of my life.

I can count on the beauty of a quiet ride to Starbucks (Sunday morning routine is to get my Daddy breakfast and my coffee), and just to be alone w my thoughts of praise.

These past few weeks have been trying, traumatic, troubling yet triumphant. God won’t allow me to lose, because He created me in His own image…a winning image. I smile w the peace of God covering me and my loved ones, and I’m ever so grateful for His grace and mercy. He constantly stands up inside of me, when I’m at my weakest…and His arms have never been closed to me…that’s why I praise Him; because He’s already done enough! If He NEVERRRRRRR does another thing for me, I have 34–almost 35–yrs worth of blessings. I could be dead, on drugs, unemployed, transportation-less, homeless, hungry, poor, UNLOVED, alone…but I’m the opposite of ALL of those things. I have TOO MUCH to thank God for…

Spiritually Maturing w Every Keystroke,

Elle

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Smile ANYWAY! (19)

It’s times like these (in the midst of branching out and starting my own) that I have faced the MOST ignorance, hatred, arrogance, negativity, and pessimism. Welp! I smile ANYWAY.

People make fun or make light of things important to me; I smile ANYWAY.

People suggest that I go THEIR road, instead of paving my own way w faith, of course. I smile ANYWAY.

My passions and pleasures are expected to mirror that of another, or I’m supposed to just “be” a certain way because of who I’m related to. Well damnit…I smile ANYWAY.

I do the best that I can at being me, yet for some? EVEN THAT ain’t good enough. I smile ANY effing way.

There are slick jabs, subtweets, back stabs, and pure tasteless actions directed in my path. Honey…I realize that Lucifer has “relatives”. I smile at them too lol

Ever since God determined me to be “good enough”–and in some cases, better than that–I knew that life would be great, w a Lil side of bullshat. Who am I to think that I would be able to bypass darts and daggers? Hell, why NOT me? When people make the not-well-thought-out attempt to tell me how I should live? I smile ANYWAY.

Don’t you know I’m covered from my head CLEAN down to the pink polish on my toes? Will people be there on assignment to test my strength? Yup. Is the devil doing his job by attempting to bring discord in my most valuable and exclusive relationships? Yup. Will I succumb to the pressure to be like “every other PR agent in the world”? Naw. Should my blogs be gender specific or only in “one box”? Nope. I’m too many different levels of smart, beautiful, talented, mysterious, and clever. God made me this way; and because He just “IS”…I smile ANYWAY.

Elle

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