Open That Door

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, and in all honesty, it’s been by design! I needed to take a mini break to get settled in my newest role…

FULL TIME ENTREPRENEUR.

Yes…as of April 1, 2013 (April Fool’s Day lol) I quit my job in “corporate America”. It came out of nowhere. Nope…I didn’t give two weeks notice; nope, I have not a single regret. I politely told my mgmt person this simple phrase: “I think I am going to have to make my last day here TODAY”. Imagine the look of shock on his face when I said that! I was confident in my decision, had already taken a peak at my financial situation, and decided that I had to act NOW. And I did!

I’ve been happy ever since.

Thing is, in order for me to truly get the weight off of my shoulder, I had to open the door of LEAVING that job. I was MISERABLE (I’m sure some of you have viewed past posts which made reference to my disdain for that place…), and I could not “find joy” in having to be there for seven hours and forty five minutes of my life, day in and day out, anymore. I thought about how much money I had been making there, and let out a sigh…the money was great, but not enough to keep me from being unhappy. I just know that I could no longer take the misery!

I left…and not 10 minutes after I was gone, I received two referrals to manage social media for their brands. For a while I had been working full time on BOTH–the corporate job and my career–and I was completely worn out. One had to go…and it was NOT going to be my PR Firm…

In order for me to receive the vision TOTALLY, I had to open that door of “the money is good at this job though”, walk ALL THE WAY out of it, and activate my faith. My spirit is free now. I may not be making the same amount of money that I was bringing home from the corporate job, but my clientele is picking up tremendously, and I have yet to be worried about making ends meet. I refuse to worry about what God has already done!

I challenge you to Open That Door. The door to working out, establishing your place in society, being open to love, mending a friendship, saving more money…whatever the “door” is for you, go ahead and open it. A huge part of your life’s work is to strengthen what already exists inside of you.

Be free to be who you are; my testimony is simply that I chose to Open That Door. Here’s a look at my door: http://www.prbyelle77.com

What You Want vs What You Accept

Currently digesting information from these pages:

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Author Steve Harvey is not necessarily “liked” by many, as it relates to his advice on relationships…I actually like him, and I agree w quite a bit of what he discusses in this book and in “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”.

One thing I am noticing in today’s relationship society is that people are looking for that “quick fix”, or the situation that yields mostly, or only, tangibles. Hmmmm…if I’m honest with MYSELF (speaking for Lauran Adell ONLY) I know that I want more than just a handbag or a trip to an exotic island. On page 56 of the book “Straight Talk, No Chaser”, Steve makes a VERY strong statement. He says “…accepting gifts from a guy without getting what you want in return is nothing more than an advanced form of prostitution”. What makes this statement so TRUE is that I know women who willingly accept gifts from men, yet secretly desire a real relationship (if your BOYFRIEND/FIANCE/HUSBAND buys gifts for you, that’s different–I’m not referring to those women). When a woman accepts those gifts, handbags and trips, without getting what she truly wants, she is in fact a “bought woman”; you JUST told a man that you have a “set price”, not that you are “priceless”. This ALSO speaks to the fact that a Father or Father figure is JUST AS important in a girl-child’s life as one is in a boy-child’s life. (DISCLAIMER: this is not to say that a woman is ONLY strong if she has a Father/Father-figure; this is merely stating the IMPORTANCE of said role in a girl-child’s life…keep reading!)

My Father, bless his HUGE heart, is the BEST MAN IN THE WORLD to me; a modern-day Superman!

Here I am w my Daddy at a luncheon at our church, where he Pastors, where the men were honored:

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He has made it so that I don’t ever have to want or need for anything!

Because he was (and still is) very active in my life, I understand that I deserve the very best that a man has to offer. My Father has ALWAYS given me his best, even when I didn’t want to hear what he had to say on certain topics; but that didn’t stop him from being the best Daddy to me…I salute him and how he has been very crucial in how I handle men. BECAUSE OF HIS INFLUENCE, I can smell the proverbial bullsh*t miles away.

Steve Harvey hits on SEVERAL points about how to deal w men and how to get what you would like out of men (i.e. commitments , honesty, etc, not referring to tangible items–please…), but one thing that he will state, and states OFTEN is the fact that if you aren’t getting what you desire out of your relationship/if you feel that it is going nowhere/if he won’t commit, LET HIM GO. I love how he refuses to sugar coat a situation w his female audience…and for some, it’s just what we need to hear/read. What you want HONESTLY is that commitment; so why settle by merely accepting gifts that only pacify you for the moment? It’s easier to manuever through these situations w men when you KNOW YOUR OWN PERSONAL VALUE. It’s only a problem when you have no clue as to who you actually are and what YOU actually want.

I know what I want and I won’t settle for less than I deserve; I have my Father to thank for that! My Mother (may her soul rest in heavenly peace) was married to a KING (my Daddy); she encouraged him, supported his vision(s), and stood by him. Also, my Dad knew he was blessed with a Queen–and he treated her as such! A woman who encourages her significant other and supports him will ultimately make a man “want” to change his ways FOR HER! You can’t “change a man”, but you can be so phenomenal that he commits to making changes on his own…KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

MOM AND DAD

There is no textbook method in getting to know someone, however you have to truly evaluate and sometimes RE-evaluate your situation on a regular basis.

Are you getting what you want?
Or are you getting what you accept? I’m hoping you know the difference…trust me; the men ALREADY KNOW THE GAME; we have to “navigate the plays”, ladies!

(FYI: if your man is honest w you, he will acknowledge his growth (or lack thereof) with you, and will let you know JUST how valuable you are to his life…I never said that love is easy, but I do know that love should not hurt you, and is ABSOLUTELY worth it!)

To Sir: Wherever you are as you read my blog, I Love You; I appreciate you allowing me to love you the way that I am designed to love a man, I am grateful for your support of everything that I do, I will always encourage you to be the best that you can be, I have your back, and life has been amazing since you’ve entered into it. Thank You for being there for me; no matter what we have gone thru, I wouldn’t change a thing…I know, just like I knew back in 2011, that I am in good hands. *muah* 

ELLE

7BloggerDays!

Just WRITE!

Do you have any idea how FREEING that is??

You can be as ANGRY as you want to be on paper…and at times, that helps you to get out those “loose” emotions…you know, the things you probably would regret actually “saying” to someone…

Try this 7BloggerDays list that I created, in an effort to get more of you writing. It doesn’t have to be a dissertation; it could be all pictures if you’d like! Just make sure you say SOMETHING!

JAN11: Your favorite moment

JAN12: Your favorite part of a really good movie and what you learned from it

JAN13: How you feel about social media

JAN14: Your favorite outfit

JAN15: Describe the last thing you cooked or (for those who don’t cook) describe your favorite meal

JAN16: **PICTURE** a picture of yourself and what was going on at that time

JAN17: A funny moment

Make sure you let me know about your post so that I can read! I will be doing the 7BloggerDays w you all!

GO!

Lauran

The Happy Side (26)

It’s so very unfortunate that people will find any excuse NOT to be happy. I find it hard to believe that, for some, there is NOTHING good found in a day…at any point. I happened to be tweeting about how some would rather focus on jerks who cause them drama; my good friend Cynara replied back “it gives them something to do”. I couldn’t agree w her more…

But something to do? Being miserable, negative, and otherwise petty is some people’s “something to do”? Do you know how much time you have to dedicate to being “messy”? You first really have to #have frequent drama, which (to me) means that in most cases, you’re actually doing something to cause it if you ALWAYS have it. Secondly, you truly have to SEEK to focus on the negative aspects of a situation or of a day, which means you “major in minors”, as my Daddy says (love him!!!!). Thirdly, but not lastly (I’m just stopping at three) you haven’t learned the art of ignoring ignorance. Everything doesn’t require a response or reaction. I’m just saying…

Now…we all have rough times w life, people, jobs, etc.; I just don’t personally want to be subjected to you–the one who doesn’t yet have a handle on how to keep it moving–on a daily basis. Some ppl get muted; some get deleted; some just get all the way blocked.

I will be the FIRST to admit that I have my struggles, my tears fall, and my mood will shift. I just don’t want to be known as a “complainer”…so a lot of things are kept “in house”, if you will. Aaaaaaaaand, the vast majority of my personal life is simply none of anyone’s business.

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The face shown here, is highly indicative of my daily mood…even tempered. I’m more or less just glad to see another day!

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I smile!

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I’m shy!

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I’m silly lol

Buuuuuut I’m genuinely “happy”. I have chosen a happier side of life, even in the midst of a ridiculous moment! I keep pushing until my hardest moments are only a fraction of who I am. Eeeeeeeven in the loss of my Mother, I #chose to be thankful that her pain was gone. I simply choose joy.

Elle

Advice For A New Relationship (24)

*Names and any other identifiers have been changed to protect the privacy of any parties involved*

SCENARIO: “My boyfriend doesn’t know how to be a boyfriend. He’s 37 yrs old, and is clueless about relationships! He hasn’t been involved w anyone since 2002, and he’s been hurt before. I’ve planned all of our dates, told him how I’m feeling about things and he says he’ll change but has not. We’ve been together a few months now, but I’ve learned to place my relationship as a priority and if I get it, he should be able to as well. I asked him ‘do you even want this relationship?’ and he said ‘well it looks like you’ve already made your decision.’ On top of that, he never told me that he made us “official”…I found out from a friend that we were an official couple. He’s really a good guy though, but I feel alone. What should I do?”

ELLE’S RESPONSE: You are going to have to stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself as it relates to this relationship. No one told you to do everything…#YOU told you to do everything. Why not suggest to him that he should plan the next outing; don’t ask him what you all are going to do; just let him plan the entire date. He has to be made to feel that he is contributing to the relationship as well; if you do everything, he will never do ANYTHING. Also, show him how to treat you w your actions vs always having “super serious” conversations. The first thing you must do is take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. I could see if you all have been together for 6yrs or so…it’s only been a few months. You have to relax and have patience w him. He’s been hurt before, and in all honesty, it appears that he’s waiting on you to give up on him, because someone “giving up” may be what he’s accustomed to! Let him be involved in the relationship; of course you feel alone because you do EVERYTHING. He may be slightly discouraged to try his ideas out because you’ve made every decision. A relationship is about compromise; a man is a natural leader, so let him take the lead w things! However, even w that, a man has to realize that you aren’t like his past relationships…and if he’s been hurt, that takes a lil time and building trust. Give this time to flourish before you give up on what could very well be the relationship you’ve waited for!

(My friends frequently come to me for advice, and I am always there for them when they need me. I’m hoping that this has helped someone!)

Elle

Big Decisions (23)

I have had to make some major decisions in the past year (and an even larger decision will be made in the coming months). But the biggest decision that I have made–outside of starting PRbyELLE77–was to give my heart to another person…who appears to be the #right person.

It was not easy. I was EXTREMELY afraid of a repeat of my past encounters in relationships, but I made a decision to “let someone in”. My heart, as well as yours, is a saaaaaaaaaaacred space…SACRED…

The only being capable of keeping my heart safe is God. I know this for a fact; He gives ALL cares about me, and it’s ever apparent in the fact that He’s allowed me to see the light or gloom of a new day for the past 12,410 days (give or take lol). The only other man who has consistently loved me, and has always been w me, is my Daddy. To this day, I can count on his love and support. However, when I met my love three years ago, it was merely infatuation lol. I didn’t think much of it; I was “dating”. My heart was w me completely, and at that time, there were several men vying for my undivided attention. Whatever; they were “half-assin’ it”, so I played them just as short. It worked bc they eventually realized that I had made the decision to take them w a single grain of salt. Ha! Thinking back, I had a great time playing the field…but…

Let’s fast forward to 2011. Communication became more consistent; my heart would explode every time I would see, or even think of, this person; my smile was uncontrollable; butterflies had permanent residence in my belly! This was different…so I made a HUGE decision to open up to the possibility of “real”. And w that decision, I was deathly afraid. God didn’t give us fear…so I had to let that go…

Welp! We’re in 2012, and we’re happy…loving each other in a way that has never been expressed before for ANY others in our individual pasts. I’m also so in love w ME, that if anything ever happens w us, I’ll be thankful FOR this love. And it all started from a decision to try something new…

All I’m saying is…decisions have to be made everyday. It’s the BIG decisions, though, that require patience w yourself, serious attention to detail, and faith that you are doing the right thing–even if it may hurt. My big decisions speak to how much trust I have in my prayers going up, and how much faith I have in God to lead me down an approved path. I’ve even asked God (early on) to remove this man COMPLETELY, if he meant me no good. One year and 12 days later, he’s still around…I guess he can stay lolbvs…

Elle

Keep Moving!! (21)

Don’t you absolutely HATE when someone takes something that you’ve expressed in the WORST context possible? And often times, it’s because they may be stressed out or tired?

Not your problem right? Right!

Someone took me making a correction to them, regarding something very personal to me, COMPLETELY in the wrong spirit, and as a result, I received a very snippy message. Now…20+ yr old Elle may have snipped back lol, but I didn’t. The thing that they were incorrect on is STILL important to me, and…in spite of their feelings, the correction had to be made clear. Period. No apologies, no take backs. I responded to the party accordingly, and separately from the group. This individual is a total asset to a specific project, and I don’t take their work/dedication/affiliation lightly. HOW-IN-SO-EVER…lol the thing personal to me still matters. So at the end of the day, I still appreciate that person, but they need to make note of the correction.

Thinking before “snipping” could save a relationship (professional or personal) from being “clipped”. Also, making sure to always “be you” and to be true to what matters in your life teaches another person respect FOR your life, whether they “like” you or not. As for the incident I experienced, we’ll just hope the other party is getting enough rest at night! Stress mixed w being tired is no good for the body and the mind!!

Think before you “snip”!

Smile ANYWAY! (19)

It’s times like these (in the midst of branching out and starting my own) that I have faced the MOST ignorance, hatred, arrogance, negativity, and pessimism. Welp! I smile ANYWAY.

People make fun or make light of things important to me; I smile ANYWAY.

People suggest that I go THEIR road, instead of paving my own way w faith, of course. I smile ANYWAY.

My passions and pleasures are expected to mirror that of another, or I’m supposed to just “be” a certain way because of who I’m related to. Well damnit…I smile ANYWAY.

I do the best that I can at being me, yet for some? EVEN THAT ain’t good enough. I smile ANY effing way.

There are slick jabs, subtweets, back stabs, and pure tasteless actions directed in my path. Honey…I realize that Lucifer has “relatives”. I smile at them too lol

Ever since God determined me to be “good enough”–and in some cases, better than that–I knew that life would be great, w a Lil side of bullshat. Who am I to think that I would be able to bypass darts and daggers? Hell, why NOT me? When people make the not-well-thought-out attempt to tell me how I should live? I smile ANYWAY.

Don’t you know I’m covered from my head CLEAN down to the pink polish on my toes? Will people be there on assignment to test my strength? Yup. Is the devil doing his job by attempting to bring discord in my most valuable and exclusive relationships? Yup. Will I succumb to the pressure to be like “every other PR agent in the world”? Naw. Should my blogs be gender specific or only in “one box”? Nope. I’m too many different levels of smart, beautiful, talented, mysterious, and clever. God made me this way; and because He just “IS”…I smile ANYWAY.

Elle

The BEST Part (15)

The Best Part

by: Elle

The best part about an apple is the crisp.
The best part about a plum is the juiciness.
The best part about the salon is the SHAMPOO (lil piece of heaven RIGHT there)…
The best part about a “job” is when you’re through.

The best part about not speaking is what can actually be said through your tears.
The best part about a smile is that it can hide your fears.
The best part about a loving “touch” is how secure it can make you feel.
The best part about being a Black woman is that we are symbols of resilience and zeal.
The best part about a bad day, is that the day HAS to come to an end, and the best part about that? God willing, you get another chance to do it all over again…

The best part about a lie is that it still isn’t as beautiful as the truth.
The best part about your feet is that they still can’t fill my shoes.
The best part about your past is that it’s YOUR choice to stay in it; it’s all up to you who you let KEEP you in it.

The best part about God? Before you spoke, He already knew.
The best part about praise is that it’s not about you.

The best part about a trial is the triumph at the end.
The best part about me?

…is my desire to win…

One Final Thing: The best part about “time” is that we all are given the EXACT same amount each and every day of our lives. The difference between you and I is in what I do w mine.

*smoochface*

Elle

Feel What You Feel, But Your Attitude Determines Altitude (14)

Lately, I have been feeling all KINDS of things that aren’t of my normal character. No, I do not want to cause any physical harm to anyone nor do I want to take my life–nothing ridiculous or ratchet like that–I’ve just been “in my feelings” about ANY AND EVERYTHING.

And so what; I’m just being Lauran; speaks nothing to my gender.

It speaks to everything about being a brat. Let my Aunt Terri tell it…I’m STILL spoiled right now today LOL. I’m no baby; I certainly hold my own…but sometimes I think way more than I probably should about what isn’t here yet.

Foooooooor example, I do indeed desire another place of employment, and my search is ongoing. I feel that I am totally wasting precious brain juice here, that I am not challenged, and that this just isn’t “it”. I’m not happy in this job AT all. In the midst of my displeasure, I started my own business…a PR Firm. Yes, in a ROTTEN economic period, I’ve decided to become an entrepreneur. Doing all things related to my new venture has actually brought about peace to my spirit. I happen to be having a conversation w someone about my “job”, and I was told that I needed to stop reflecting on the negative (not wanting to be in said job) and focus on the positive (how I’ve started my business). I was told that not only is negative thinking not going to help, but it will KEEP me in my current position. Lord KNOWS I do not want to remain in that spot, so w more prayer (glad God doesn’t get tired of me) and a positive attitude, I will eventually be free and in a position that better uses my gifts. I’ve claimed a better life and it must start w a better attitude!

If you’re honest w yourself, you’ve had your moments. The KEY, though, is not to STAY in those moments. Every now and then, I am in a frustrated place because I’ve allowed my feelings or thoughts to overshadow what “is”. I start to feel like who I am is “not enough”, and I find myself upset at what I’ve built up in my mind (key phrase here?: “what I built up in my mind”, not what actually “is”). I wasn’t like this in my 20s. Honey PUHLEEEEEEEZE…in my 20s, I didn’t care about much; I felt like I had so much “time” to do WHATEVER. But I’m in my mid-30s now–I’m 34 to be exact–and at this stage in my life, I’m more emotional than I’ve ever been. I don’t pretend that a thing doesn’t bother me when it actually does. I’m TOTALLY in tune w my emotional side, and I don’t apologize for it. And since I was created by perfection, He understands where I am/who I am/what I need. Just knowing all of that–that I am truly taken care of–makes it alright. It makes me feel as though I can make it through a work day. I feel like I have the patience to wait for those things that will eventually make it to my doorstep. Thinking about how good life actually is for me almost instantly improves my attitude. My “inner” forecast? Sunny, a high of 82 degrees w no chance of rain. I can bounce anything of a negative source off of me, because I choose not to let it get to my spirit. It’s not easy, and I have my moments even in knowing Whose I am, but I CAN do it. You have no idea the number of times I have to take a breather, pray, and snap back just to get through a work day at my “job”. AND I GET THROUGH IT. I recognize that I have every right to feel how I feel, but I have to determine exactly where I want to go…my finger points up. Few things that will constantly keep me in tact:

1. When I feel myself out of sorts, I pray harder. I pray every day, sometime multiple TIMES a day; I don’t have a problem leaving from where I am, going to my car/stepping outside to say a quick prayer that will snap me back to a happy place.
2. I will look for a scripture or a quote that speaks to my situation. Self explanatory…
3. I try my best to determine where the source of my frustration is coming from. Then I simply ask God to give me peace.
4. I think about how bad things actually COULD be, and then I look at where I am. So I’m pitchin’ a lil fit/havin’ a “brat attack”; Lauran, get over it…I mean really…HOWEVER, the things that I have experienced in my life are a big deal to me–may not be of concern to anyone else, but my life’s timeline is mine, which makes it important. I don’t downplay what I’ve been through, or “dumb down” my stuff to make someone else feel better; it is what it is. So I am SO VERY PROUD of how far I have come and the “bullets I dodged” along the way…

God has a desire to see me do great things; I don’t ever want to disappoint Him by thinking that I am less than what He has created me to be. I am MORE than enough…I am equipped, I am able, I am resilient and I am unique. I have nothing to worry about because, in the words of the illustrious Michael Franks, it was here all along “on the inside” (Song Title “On The Inside” by Michael Franks). I’ve taken the liberty of attaching the lyrics:

I’ve wasted a lifetime
Pursuing an image that did not exist
Except in my own mind
Except in my own dream.
My life has convinced me
That happines never can really be found
Until you remember
The voice of your own heart.

It’s all on the inside
To say you can find it elsewhere
Would be wrong.
It’s all on the inside
Each soul has its song.
It was here all along
On the inside.

It cannot be captured
On canvas it cannot be
Carved into stone.
No art can sustain it
Believe me I’ve tried.
It always eludes you
No matter what strategem
You may devise.
It’s no destination
A compass can find.

There’s only love on the inside
No counterfeit no need for it.
A perfect place for your heart to hide
No danger near nothing to fear.
Life’s hurricane can’t reach within
–>P.S.-That particular Michael Franks’ song is a #favorite of my late Mother. It is an absolutely BEAUTIFUL song…<–

*smoochface*

Elle

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