You Wanna Run That By Me Again? (31)

I had a different post that was to go up for the Hump Day Blog, but I HAD to touch on this. And it all stemmed from a photograph on Instagram that I am in TOTAL agreement with.

An absolute truth...

An absolute truth…

For those who may not be familiar w what I actually look like, I am a “dark-skinned” African-American Woman. Yet, in order to be considered “pretty” or “beautiful”, the skin tone that carries the most beauty, stereotypically, is one w a lighter hue. The phrase “you are pretty for a dark skin girl” has been said to me on several occasions, and each time, it was not taken as a compliment…because it’s NOT a compliment. Saying someone is pretty FOR any reason other than just being “pretty” is insulting, rude, offensive, disrespectful and extremely ignorant. It’s the same as saying something like ‘you are very attractive for a business owner’–does that make any sense? Neither does the message in that photo…

When I was a little girl, living in the South, I was often teased FOR my dark skin. I was called all kinds of names, and words do indeed hurt (you can lie to yourself if you want to). I would come home crying to my parents about how I was made fun of, and all because I was usually the child w the darkest skin in my classes. Thankfully, I was blessed w parents and extended family who always encouraged me, loved me, and accepted me w everything that I had. I have always been beautiful to them because I was a part of them. But w them loving and validating me (as parents and family SHOULD do), it’s NOTHING like realizing your worth on your very own. The very first time I heard someone say to me ‘you know, you are pretty for a dark skin girl’, I was angered. I vividly remember saying, in one of those instances, ‘you wanna run that by me again?’–they looked at me as if to say ‘did I say something wrong?’, and I proceeded to explain that I’m not pretty FOR a dark skin girl, but that I am a “pretty girl”. They reluctantly received what I was saying…good…just as long as they “got it”… (sidebar: me being a “pretty girl” has nothing to do w my Sorority lol).

I am a beautiful, dark-skinned woman…not beautiful FOR a dark-skinned woman; there is a difference in the two statements; a very BIG difference. I take great care of my skin (I’m actually pretty anal about it lbs), and it’s blemish free and soft to the touch (thanks to Drop’s skin care secrets). I keep myself together because that’s something that I love to do for me; others just take notice. I have a desire to encourage as many people as I can, and I try to look for ways to constantly improve “me”. Outside of that, I believe that I am beautiful; so that in and of itself MAKES me beautiful.

It’s always a good thing to watch what you say and how you say something. Don’t worry though; if you say this to me, I’ll get you straight!

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(Have you liked this page? Go now!)
Elle

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Thanksgiving Thanks And Thangs

I’m thankful that my grandmother Drop’s surgery was successful.

I’m thankful that my family is MY family.

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I’m thankful for entrepreneurship.

I’m thankful for little babies.

I’m thankful for marriage.

I’m thankful for my blog.

I’m thankful for the various opportunities that I’ve been given.

I’m thankful for the peace of mind of maintaining friendships.

I’m thankful for the peace of mind when I’ve severed relationships!

I’m thankful for music and singing.

I’m thankful for the love of my life.

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I’m thankful for puppies!!!

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I’m thankful for knowing how to “throw down” in the kitchen!

I’m thankful for the ability to hear what’s not being spoken.

I’m thankful for my smile AFTER July30.2012!

I’m thankful for my company!

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If I keep going, I’ll type until my fingers fall off.

I’m SUPER thankful for that last breath that I just took, as it surely may have been someone else’s “last breath”.

Thank you, Dear God, for all you’ve done! If you never do anything else, I thank you!!

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ELLE

State of the Black Family

Do you really want to know? I mean really want to know what the status of the average black family in America is? If you do, I’m not 100% sure I can give you the answer. What I can do is offer you my hypotheses. I’m not a certified expert appointed by a bunch of intellects, who have sprawling curriculum vitas and impressive framed parchments emblazoned with shiny stickers and big signatures. No, I’m just a young professional who lives in a black family, who has friends in black families, and witnesses the struggle on a daily. Hopefully that will be enough background to make my observations minutely credible. You on board? You are? Cool, let us begin!

The problem that I’m seeing with the black family is often times just a lack there of… What happened to the nuclear family that we learned about in elementary school? You know the one; with a loving couple (typically married) and their children. Am I the only one who faintly remembers this lesson? Maybe that’s the issue! Having a strong sense of family in the traditional sense (2 parents living together raising their children) is a fleeting concept, not only in black homes but in homes everywhere. There has been a steady decline in the number of people doing what Grandpa and Grandma did. Meet, courtship, engagement, marriage, co-habitation, then children. Now think about the steps most of our peers take to get to the children part… The differences are so drastically different it’s not even worth trying to loosely list them.

I really do believe that this is the disconnect. We’re so wrapped up in instant gratification that our generation really struggles with the concept of patience, including myself. Taking the time to learn who this person is that you want to be with, for the sake of looking for a formidable mate, rather than just a good time is the key. There are way too many innocent children walking around (potentially including myself and a good number of my peers) that are products of a good time. I’m going to plant this seed in your thought box real quick: When one learns that they are with child, if that pregnancy was not the goal of their relationship, the initial reaction is pretty far from joyous. When they get the news the first thing they think about is: “What are/am we/I going to do?”….

What I’m getting at is that unplanned pregnancies have to be warmed up to, and learned to be loved by the parents, versus loving this blessing before it’s a reality. There is the “Oh shit” phase, hopefully VERY quickly followed by celebrations! Let’s do our best to make better decisions when a life is potentially hanging in the balance. Children don’t ask to be here, so let’s make sure when they get here it’s because you wanted them to come. They deserve that at the very least.

Thanks to Elle for asking and trusting me to post to her blog!! Always a pleasure sharing thoughts!

Thanks for reading,

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Vincent G. Hardy, Jr.
http://www.opinionrequired.wordpress.com

A Lil Piece Of Me! (7)

Light and fluffy today!  

Decided to share pics of just a FEW of my favorites; some of you may have seen these on my various social network sites, however they are still favorites of mine…enjoy!

*smoochface*
ELLE

My Daddy (my favorite guy)
My Mother (may she continue to rest in peace)
Purses
My Siblings! :O)
A few of my accessories
Nuff Said…
STARBUCKS…
Footies
Fishnets!!
Gucci
Nail polishes
Headbands…love ’em
Gum balls from Origins
My Name