What You Want vs What You Accept

Currently digesting information from these pages:

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Author Steve Harvey is not necessarily “liked” by many, as it relates to his advice on relationships…I actually like him, and I agree w quite a bit of what he discusses in this book and in “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”.

One thing I am noticing in today’s relationship society is that people are looking for that “quick fix”, or the situation that yields mostly, or only, tangibles. Hmmmm…if I’m honest with MYSELF (speaking for Lauran Adell ONLY) I know that I want more than just a handbag or a trip to an exotic island. On page 56 of the book “Straight Talk, No Chaser”, Steve makes a VERY strong statement. He says “…accepting gifts from a guy without getting what you want in return is nothing more than an advanced form of prostitution”. What makes this statement so TRUE is that I know women who willingly accept gifts from men, yet secretly desire a real relationship (if your BOYFRIEND/FIANCE/HUSBAND buys gifts for you, that’s different–I’m not referring to those women). When a woman accepts those gifts, handbags and trips, without getting what she truly wants, she is in fact a “bought woman”; you JUST told a man that you have a “set price”, not that you are “priceless”. This ALSO speaks to the fact that a Father or Father figure is JUST AS important in a girl-child’s life as one is in a boy-child’s life. (DISCLAIMER: this is not to say that a woman is ONLY strong if she has a Father/Father-figure; this is merely stating the IMPORTANCE of said role in a girl-child’s life…keep reading!)

My Father, bless his HUGE heart, is the BEST MAN IN THE WORLD to me; a modern-day Superman!

Here I am w my Daddy at a luncheon at our church, where he Pastors, where the men were honored:

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He has made it so that I don’t ever have to want or need for anything!

Because he was (and still is) very active in my life, I understand that I deserve the very best that a man has to offer. My Father has ALWAYS given me his best, even when I didn’t want to hear what he had to say on certain topics; but that didn’t stop him from being the best Daddy to me…I salute him and how he has been very crucial in how I handle men. BECAUSE OF HIS INFLUENCE, I can smell the proverbial bullsh*t miles away.

Steve Harvey hits on SEVERAL points about how to deal w men and how to get what you would like out of men (i.e. commitments , honesty, etc, not referring to tangible items–please…), but one thing that he will state, and states OFTEN is the fact that if you aren’t getting what you desire out of your relationship/if you feel that it is going nowhere/if he won’t commit, LET HIM GO. I love how he refuses to sugar coat a situation w his female audience…and for some, it’s just what we need to hear/read. What you want HONESTLY is that commitment; so why settle by merely accepting gifts that only pacify you for the moment? It’s easier to manuever through these situations w men when you KNOW YOUR OWN PERSONAL VALUE. It’s only a problem when you have no clue as to who you actually are and what YOU actually want.

I know what I want and I won’t settle for less than I deserve; I have my Father to thank for that! My Mother (may her soul rest in heavenly peace) was married to a KING (my Daddy); she encouraged him, supported his vision(s), and stood by him. Also, my Dad knew he was blessed with a Queen–and he treated her as such! A woman who encourages her significant other and supports him will ultimately make a man “want” to change his ways FOR HER! You can’t “change a man”, but you can be so phenomenal that he commits to making changes on his own…KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

MOM AND DAD

There is no textbook method in getting to know someone, however you have to truly evaluate and sometimes RE-evaluate your situation on a regular basis.

Are you getting what you want?
Or are you getting what you accept? I’m hoping you know the difference…trust me; the men ALREADY KNOW THE GAME; we have to “navigate the plays”, ladies!

(FYI: if your man is honest w you, he will acknowledge his growth (or lack thereof) with you, and will let you know JUST how valuable you are to his life…I never said that love is easy, but I do know that love should not hurt you, and is ABSOLUTELY worth it!)

To Sir: Wherever you are as you read my blog, I Love You; I appreciate you allowing me to love you the way that I am designed to love a man, I am grateful for your support of everything that I do, I will always encourage you to be the best that you can be, I have your back, and life has been amazing since you’ve entered into it. Thank You for being there for me; no matter what we have gone thru, I wouldn’t change a thing…I know, just like I knew back in 2011, that I am in good hands. *muah* 

ELLE

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Doing Me, Not You…(3)

What happens when you have a situation where someone has judged you incorrectly, based on a tweet, FB status, or your personal opinion about a matter? For example, you make a statement about being happy not to be a single mother, you mention the love of your life one too many times in your FB statuses, or your opinion on plastic surgery is that, unless you’ve been disfigured, you don’t need it…(by the way, these are my beliefs, and I’ve been judged on them). 

Being judged is not fun, and people actually “choose” to believe what makes them feel better.  If it makes someone feel better to believe you to be a whore, then that’s what they will believe.  No need for them to “fact check”, or get to know you; it’s a choice to stick to their beliefs.  If someone chooses to believe that God doesn’t exist, well then hey…you can’t get mad at that either.

Question is though…what do YOU believe?

I just think that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  That’s pretty much it w that…if you are happy to be one who is not a single mother, you can still be happy about that.  I PROMISE YOU…it really is ok.  If you want to mention a significant other and how exceptional they are, please continue to do it.  If you never plan to have plastic surgery, that’s fine as well.  The problem comes in when you make an attempt to FORCE your beliefs on another person/a group of people.  (And keep in mind…your twitter is YOURS and so is your FB, along w your opinion).  It doesn’t make a person wrong for thinking against your beliefs; they’ve just introduced their opinion.  Period.  I will NEVER seek to justify to a soul just how wonderful love is.  Some don’t believe in it; but I do! Noooooooooot about to cushion a tweet about my joy of being childless; hell, I am HAPPY about that right now lol. But I won’t invade your space w my beliefs by getting mad if you don’t agree.  Three Words: I Don’t Care. The very minute you decide that “you” are actually ok w moving around how YOU do, is the VERY same minute that you’ve actually fallen in love w yourself…the single most important person is “you”.  So I can’t do you for being too busy doing “me”!

*smoochface*

Elle