Ten Things That Love Should NOT Feel Like…

Being in love has got to be one of the most amazing feelings ever…next to seeing your newborn son or daughter for the first time after labor (so I hear). That “in love” feeling is also amazing when you are loved back.

Well…now knowing what love is, I also know what love is not. I’m not an authority on the subject, but the heart will never lie to you.

Let’s go:

  1. Love should never make you feel fear.
  2. Love should not feel like a “chore”.
  3. Love should not be extremely hard or feel tough.
  4. Love should never make you feel as though you are alone.
  5. If someone loves you, you should never feel as though they just “don’t care”.
  6. Love should never place you in a state of confusion.
  7. Love never fails; if it’s hurting you, then it isn’t love.
  8. Love should never feel as though it isn’t supportive; love IS an anchor and something that grounds you, holding you steady in the midst of ANYTHING.
  9. Love should never make you question your decision TO love (deep)…AND FINALLY…
  10. LOVE NEVER LIES…

I won’t part my lips to say I Love You and not mean it…that’s the problem though; people say it, knowing full well that it’s empty and FAR from sincere.

Your best bet? Pray before you commit yourself to someone. Let God order your steps in a new or even a more seasoned relationship! You can even get better footing w someone if you have fallen off track, yet you all are on the same page, and willing to work at the relationship. Do the work BEFORE things go sour (if they ever do). Just make sure that you know that “flowers, bells, whistles, and candy” ALL of the time is not real. There will be disagreements, heated discussions, anger, etc., but love has the extreme and undeniable power to conquer any of those things. Just have enough sense to keep an open mind.

Take my poll and let me know if you agree w this post!

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What You Want vs What You Accept

Currently digesting information from these pages:

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Author Steve Harvey is not necessarily “liked” by many, as it relates to his advice on relationships…I actually like him, and I agree w quite a bit of what he discusses in this book and in “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”.

One thing I am noticing in today’s relationship society is that people are looking for that “quick fix”, or the situation that yields mostly, or only, tangibles. Hmmmm…if I’m honest with MYSELF (speaking for Lauran Adell ONLY) I know that I want more than just a handbag or a trip to an exotic island. On page 56 of the book “Straight Talk, No Chaser”, Steve makes a VERY strong statement. He says “…accepting gifts from a guy without getting what you want in return is nothing more than an advanced form of prostitution”. What makes this statement so TRUE is that I know women who willingly accept gifts from men, yet secretly desire a real relationship (if your BOYFRIEND/FIANCE/HUSBAND buys gifts for you, that’s different–I’m not referring to those women). When a woman accepts those gifts, handbags and trips, without getting what she truly wants, she is in fact a “bought woman”; you JUST told a man that you have a “set price”, not that you are “priceless”. This ALSO speaks to the fact that a Father or Father figure is JUST AS important in a girl-child’s life as one is in a boy-child’s life. (DISCLAIMER: this is not to say that a woman is ONLY strong if she has a Father/Father-figure; this is merely stating the IMPORTANCE of said role in a girl-child’s life…keep reading!)

My Father, bless his HUGE heart, is the BEST MAN IN THE WORLD to me; a modern-day Superman!

Here I am w my Daddy at a luncheon at our church, where he Pastors, where the men were honored:

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He has made it so that I don’t ever have to want or need for anything!

Because he was (and still is) very active in my life, I understand that I deserve the very best that a man has to offer. My Father has ALWAYS given me his best, even when I didn’t want to hear what he had to say on certain topics; but that didn’t stop him from being the best Daddy to me…I salute him and how he has been very crucial in how I handle men. BECAUSE OF HIS INFLUENCE, I can smell the proverbial bullsh*t miles away.

Steve Harvey hits on SEVERAL points about how to deal w men and how to get what you would like out of men (i.e. commitments , honesty, etc, not referring to tangible items–please…), but one thing that he will state, and states OFTEN is the fact that if you aren’t getting what you desire out of your relationship/if you feel that it is going nowhere/if he won’t commit, LET HIM GO. I love how he refuses to sugar coat a situation w his female audience…and for some, it’s just what we need to hear/read. What you want HONESTLY is that commitment; so why settle by merely accepting gifts that only pacify you for the moment? It’s easier to manuever through these situations w men when you KNOW YOUR OWN PERSONAL VALUE. It’s only a problem when you have no clue as to who you actually are and what YOU actually want.

I know what I want and I won’t settle for less than I deserve; I have my Father to thank for that! My Mother (may her soul rest in heavenly peace) was married to a KING (my Daddy); she encouraged him, supported his vision(s), and stood by him. Also, my Dad knew he was blessed with a Queen–and he treated her as such! A woman who encourages her significant other and supports him will ultimately make a man “want” to change his ways FOR HER! You can’t “change a man”, but you can be so phenomenal that he commits to making changes on his own…KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

MOM AND DAD

There is no textbook method in getting to know someone, however you have to truly evaluate and sometimes RE-evaluate your situation on a regular basis.

Are you getting what you want?
Or are you getting what you accept? I’m hoping you know the difference…trust me; the men ALREADY KNOW THE GAME; we have to “navigate the plays”, ladies!

(FYI: if your man is honest w you, he will acknowledge his growth (or lack thereof) with you, and will let you know JUST how valuable you are to his life…I never said that love is easy, but I do know that love should not hurt you, and is ABSOLUTELY worth it!)

To Sir: Wherever you are as you read my blog, I Love You; I appreciate you allowing me to love you the way that I am designed to love a man, I am grateful for your support of everything that I do, I will always encourage you to be the best that you can be, I have your back, and life has been amazing since you’ve entered into it. Thank You for being there for me; no matter what we have gone thru, I wouldn’t change a thing…I know, just like I knew back in 2011, that I am in good hands. *muah* 

ELLE

The Happy Side (26)

It’s so very unfortunate that people will find any excuse NOT to be happy. I find it hard to believe that, for some, there is NOTHING good found in a day…at any point. I happened to be tweeting about how some would rather focus on jerks who cause them drama; my good friend Cynara replied back “it gives them something to do”. I couldn’t agree w her more…

But something to do? Being miserable, negative, and otherwise petty is some people’s “something to do”? Do you know how much time you have to dedicate to being “messy”? You first really have to #have frequent drama, which (to me) means that in most cases, you’re actually doing something to cause it if you ALWAYS have it. Secondly, you truly have to SEEK to focus on the negative aspects of a situation or of a day, which means you “major in minors”, as my Daddy says (love him!!!!). Thirdly, but not lastly (I’m just stopping at three) you haven’t learned the art of ignoring ignorance. Everything doesn’t require a response or reaction. I’m just saying…

Now…we all have rough times w life, people, jobs, etc.; I just don’t personally want to be subjected to you–the one who doesn’t yet have a handle on how to keep it moving–on a daily basis. Some ppl get muted; some get deleted; some just get all the way blocked.

I will be the FIRST to admit that I have my struggles, my tears fall, and my mood will shift. I just don’t want to be known as a “complainer”…so a lot of things are kept “in house”, if you will. Aaaaaaaaand, the vast majority of my personal life is simply none of anyone’s business.

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The face shown here, is highly indicative of my daily mood…even tempered. I’m more or less just glad to see another day!

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I smile!

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I’m shy!

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I’m silly lol

Buuuuuut I’m genuinely “happy”. I have chosen a happier side of life, even in the midst of a ridiculous moment! I keep pushing until my hardest moments are only a fraction of who I am. Eeeeeeeven in the loss of my Mother, I #chose to be thankful that her pain was gone. I simply choose joy.

Elle

Advice For A New Relationship (24)

*Names and any other identifiers have been changed to protect the privacy of any parties involved*

SCENARIO: “My boyfriend doesn’t know how to be a boyfriend. He’s 37 yrs old, and is clueless about relationships! He hasn’t been involved w anyone since 2002, and he’s been hurt before. I’ve planned all of our dates, told him how I’m feeling about things and he says he’ll change but has not. We’ve been together a few months now, but I’ve learned to place my relationship as a priority and if I get it, he should be able to as well. I asked him ‘do you even want this relationship?’ and he said ‘well it looks like you’ve already made your decision.’ On top of that, he never told me that he made us “official”…I found out from a friend that we were an official couple. He’s really a good guy though, but I feel alone. What should I do?”

ELLE’S RESPONSE: You are going to have to stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself as it relates to this relationship. No one told you to do everything…#YOU told you to do everything. Why not suggest to him that he should plan the next outing; don’t ask him what you all are going to do; just let him plan the entire date. He has to be made to feel that he is contributing to the relationship as well; if you do everything, he will never do ANYTHING. Also, show him how to treat you w your actions vs always having “super serious” conversations. The first thing you must do is take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. I could see if you all have been together for 6yrs or so…it’s only been a few months. You have to relax and have patience w him. He’s been hurt before, and in all honesty, it appears that he’s waiting on you to give up on him, because someone “giving up” may be what he’s accustomed to! Let him be involved in the relationship; of course you feel alone because you do EVERYTHING. He may be slightly discouraged to try his ideas out because you’ve made every decision. A relationship is about compromise; a man is a natural leader, so let him take the lead w things! However, even w that, a man has to realize that you aren’t like his past relationships…and if he’s been hurt, that takes a lil time and building trust. Give this time to flourish before you give up on what could very well be the relationship you’ve waited for!

(My friends frequently come to me for advice, and I am always there for them when they need me. I’m hoping that this has helped someone!)

Elle

Big Decisions (23)

I have had to make some major decisions in the past year (and an even larger decision will be made in the coming months). But the biggest decision that I have made–outside of starting PRbyELLE77–was to give my heart to another person…who appears to be the #right person.

It was not easy. I was EXTREMELY afraid of a repeat of my past encounters in relationships, but I made a decision to “let someone in”. My heart, as well as yours, is a saaaaaaaaaaacred space…SACRED…

The only being capable of keeping my heart safe is God. I know this for a fact; He gives ALL cares about me, and it’s ever apparent in the fact that He’s allowed me to see the light or gloom of a new day for the past 12,410 days (give or take lol). The only other man who has consistently loved me, and has always been w me, is my Daddy. To this day, I can count on his love and support. However, when I met my love three years ago, it was merely infatuation lol. I didn’t think much of it; I was “dating”. My heart was w me completely, and at that time, there were several men vying for my undivided attention. Whatever; they were “half-assin’ it”, so I played them just as short. It worked bc they eventually realized that I had made the decision to take them w a single grain of salt. Ha! Thinking back, I had a great time playing the field…but…

Let’s fast forward to 2011. Communication became more consistent; my heart would explode every time I would see, or even think of, this person; my smile was uncontrollable; butterflies had permanent residence in my belly! This was different…so I made a HUGE decision to open up to the possibility of “real”. And w that decision, I was deathly afraid. God didn’t give us fear…so I had to let that go…

Welp! We’re in 2012, and we’re happy…loving each other in a way that has never been expressed before for ANY others in our individual pasts. I’m also so in love w ME, that if anything ever happens w us, I’ll be thankful FOR this love. And it all started from a decision to try something new…

All I’m saying is…decisions have to be made everyday. It’s the BIG decisions, though, that require patience w yourself, serious attention to detail, and faith that you are doing the right thing–even if it may hurt. My big decisions speak to how much trust I have in my prayers going up, and how much faith I have in God to lead me down an approved path. I’ve even asked God (early on) to remove this man COMPLETELY, if he meant me no good. One year and 12 days later, he’s still around…I guess he can stay lolbvs…

Elle

Lemme Just…(12)

…let you in on how good I feel.

Whenever I sit alone, I’m nestled by this feeling. I wake up in the morning smiling because of something I remember hearing. I can’t explain why it can stop me dead in my tracks and make me forget EVERYTHING I may have been doing. I cry because of it; I laugh because of it; I sing because of it; I LIVE because of it.

It was an instrumental piece in my Parents’ marriage, and it has brought comfort to crying babies. It COMPLETELY makes you escape from reality, and only makes you wonder why some things couldn’t all be this simple. Some people can tell by the look in my eyes, and others in the way that I walk. It’s especially different from anything that I’ve ever felt, and it’s the only thing that can take me through so many DIFFERENT emotions at one time…

My life has not been the same since I’ve been able to feel like this. I think to myself “I’m so INTO you”…and that warms my heart in such a way, just to even say it. I sometimes sit in my car and the feeling rushes over me instantly. I feel it even when I’m in the salon, on a plane, reading a book, watching Good Times, or even about to get my rest for the evening. It’s just CONSUMING, overwhelming, weakening…it won’t let go of me, and I’m not letting go of it. I wrestle w it because it feels so good. Something that feels THIS GOOD should really be a crime.

Only God could make something so beautiful…and I’m unashamedly and apologetically addicted. It’s like pieces of me are in the stars, and my epiphany?…is knowing that I’m soooooo gone. It’s soothing during a summer rain, it’s comfort when it’s cold outside, and I absolutely goooootta have it.

Nope…it’s not how I feel about #Sir (he is some kinda wonderful though)…

It’s what music does to me. Sir one day told me ‘you ARE music’. As long as music can make a person feel THIS good…I will certainly answer to that name…

(p.s.-if you paid attention, I dropped some song titles in this blog…see if you can pick them out!)

*smoochface*

Elle

INJURED AND WOUNDED… (8)

I don’t really dig sports all THAT much, so this isn’t a blog about any recent injuries (prayers out to those who are dealing w injuries though…).  I’m talking about the injuries we have that either life has provided, or the ones we give ourselves.  Yep…even you are injured.

Let’s get to it.

FOR EXAMPLE…I am “injured” or “wounded”…not from any past relationships or anything like that (those wounds have since healed), but my heart has a slight “tear/rip”.  For those who are not truly familiar w me, my Mom passed away January 22, 2009 from a cancer called Multiple Myeloma.  She actually outlived the actual life expectancy OF the disease, but God called her on home…it was just painful to watch such a vibrant being lose all strength.  This is my heart’s tear.  (wait…lemme do this right quick…)

DISCLAIMER: I am in NO WAY looking for any sympathy; however the world needs to know that not ALL injuries are PHYSICAL in nature.

(back to original thought) Ok.  The “injury” that my heart has sustained is the loss of my Parent.  My Mother; the woman who carried me for nine months, endured 27 hours of labor to bring me here, and loved me unconditionally.  Dealing w her passing is a DAILY struggle, and in all honesty, this is one of those wounds that won’t ever FULLY close…feel me?  Grief is one hell of a road trip…

You may not have this same type of scar; this is an injury that “life” provided to me and my family.  And it’s actually ok. But this doesn’t qualify as an injury that was self-inflicted; oooooooooooooh let’s step over into that room…

What about the person in your life, whether it be friends/family members/WHOEVER, who is truly “no good”?  Not all relationships that are bad for us will be the boyfriend/girlfriend type stuff…think about the “toxins” that you allow into your space…if someone is always “slick” jabbing you, but always ending it w a “just kidding”…watch out.  SOME of those people are genuinely your peeps, and are just kidding…but there are those who will secretly seek to sabotage your success.  Your circle should be small; the circle of people who you share your dreams/goals w should be EVEN SMALLER.  Keeping “toxins” around you due to feelings of obligation, or because you have history w them?  SELF-INFLICTED WOUNDS.  There is no logical reason that a person who brings about harm and discord should be allowed to remain in your space. Their constant presence only reopens or KEEPS open your own SELF-INFLICTED WOUND…don’t you love yourself? Sooooo pouring salt into a paper cut, for example, actually “feels good” to you? Ha!

I don’t knooooooooooooooow…if you constantly reflected on WHO is in your circle, and what they bring to your life, you’d have to honestly ask “is this to my benefit or detriment?”.  It’s really time out for assuming that certain affiliations will bring about perfect relationships; stop buying proverbial “band-aids”; you’re “wasting money”, and your self-inflicted wound will never heal, because you cause the pain to “self”. Life’s injuries don’t have to kill you; just care enough about yourself to understand that some things just aren’t your fault.  Some injuries are unavoidable…what are you doing about the ones that ARE?

*smoochface*

Elle