The Month Of Love & Black History

I am currently looking out of my patio window, and the snow is still falling in Chicago. It doesn’t appear to be letting up anytime soon, which prompted me to write!

February is the month producing the most snow in the Chi, but I don’t care; I’d prefer to discuss black history and black love.

This is my reintroduction back into blogging…stay tuned! Share the blog, tell your friends, and also follow me via IG for lovey posts at LauransLane!
Missed you guys…

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Ten Things That Love Should NOT Feel Like…

Being in love has got to be one of the most amazing feelings ever…next to seeing your newborn son or daughter for the first time after labor (so I hear). That “in love” feeling is also amazing when you are loved back.

Well…now knowing what love is, I also know what love is not. I’m not an authority on the subject, but the heart will never lie to you.

Let’s go:

  1. Love should never make you feel fear.
  2. Love should not feel like a “chore”.
  3. Love should not be extremely hard or feel tough.
  4. Love should never make you feel as though you are alone.
  5. If someone loves you, you should never feel as though they just “don’t care”.
  6. Love should never place you in a state of confusion.
  7. Love never fails; if it’s hurting you, then it isn’t love.
  8. Love should never feel as though it isn’t supportive; love IS an anchor and something that grounds you, holding you steady in the midst of ANYTHING.
  9. Love should never make you question your decision TO love (deep)…AND FINALLY…
  10. LOVE NEVER LIES…

I won’t part my lips to say I Love You and not mean it…that’s the problem though; people say it, knowing full well that it’s empty and FAR from sincere.

Your best bet? Pray before you commit yourself to someone. Let God order your steps in a new or even a more seasoned relationship! You can even get better footing w someone if you have fallen off track, yet you all are on the same page, and willing to work at the relationship. Do the work BEFORE things go sour (if they ever do). Just make sure that you know that “flowers, bells, whistles, and candy” ALL of the time is not real. There will be disagreements, heated discussions, anger, etc., but love has the extreme and undeniable power to conquer any of those things. Just have enough sense to keep an open mind.

Take my poll and let me know if you agree w this post!

Advice For A New Relationship (24)

*Names and any other identifiers have been changed to protect the privacy of any parties involved*

SCENARIO: “My boyfriend doesn’t know how to be a boyfriend. He’s 37 yrs old, and is clueless about relationships! He hasn’t been involved w anyone since 2002, and he’s been hurt before. I’ve planned all of our dates, told him how I’m feeling about things and he says he’ll change but has not. We’ve been together a few months now, but I’ve learned to place my relationship as a priority and if I get it, he should be able to as well. I asked him ‘do you even want this relationship?’ and he said ‘well it looks like you’ve already made your decision.’ On top of that, he never told me that he made us “official”…I found out from a friend that we were an official couple. He’s really a good guy though, but I feel alone. What should I do?”

ELLE’S RESPONSE: You are going to have to stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself as it relates to this relationship. No one told you to do everything…#YOU told you to do everything. Why not suggest to him that he should plan the next outing; don’t ask him what you all are going to do; just let him plan the entire date. He has to be made to feel that he is contributing to the relationship as well; if you do everything, he will never do ANYTHING. Also, show him how to treat you w your actions vs always having “super serious” conversations. The first thing you must do is take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. I could see if you all have been together for 6yrs or so…it’s only been a few months. You have to relax and have patience w him. He’s been hurt before, and in all honesty, it appears that he’s waiting on you to give up on him, because someone “giving up” may be what he’s accustomed to! Let him be involved in the relationship; of course you feel alone because you do EVERYTHING. He may be slightly discouraged to try his ideas out because you’ve made every decision. A relationship is about compromise; a man is a natural leader, so let him take the lead w things! However, even w that, a man has to realize that you aren’t like his past relationships…and if he’s been hurt, that takes a lil time and building trust. Give this time to flourish before you give up on what could very well be the relationship you’ve waited for!

(My friends frequently come to me for advice, and I am always there for them when they need me. I’m hoping that this has helped someone!)

Elle

How Does This Thing Work?! (13)

Ever wonder how relationships work?

Ever ponder whether or not it’s even worth the risk of heartache?  Or even the potential of having/meeting the one true love of your life?  It’s definitely not an easy task to take on, and you have to be comfortable (or content, if that makes you feel better) w the fact that the RISK is EQUAL TO the potential REWARD…I mean you REALLY have to come to grips w that…

Well…I took a class, back in the Fall of 2010 at my church.  It was the first time that this course was offered for people who may be thinking of (and who had questions regarding) long-term relationships i.e. #MARRIAGE.  Since that is something I am considering in my future, I wanted to know WHY I was even considering such a covenant (even though a healthy marriage was on FULL DISPLAY in my home w my Parents).  The title of the class? “Before We Say I Do”, based off of a book written by Marvin A. McMickle.  This is the book that my Father uses for his couples going thru pre-marital counseling (my Father is a Pastor and a mighty good one).  The book talks about 7 Steps To A Healthy Marriage, and the Chapter Titles are Faith, Friendship, Frankness, Forgiveness, Fidelity, Finance, and Family (even if you do not desire marriage, this book is a GREAT read). The book goes into SERIOUS depth about all of those things, and even shows how all of them are connected.  In the course we watched movie snippets, had class exercises–some were men vs women lol–and we talked openly about our fears and what we were looking forward to in marriage.  There were plenty of single parties in the course…some engaged couples, even some couples ALREADY married, but looking to get a better understanding of how they could be better IN their marriage.  I later came to find out that some of the couples that were in the class parted ways.  And I just wondered if maybe they figured out (for themselves) that it just wasn’t worth the risk…?

One HUGE point that will ALWAYS stick out from that class is the fact that it will always be a challenge bringing two different households together.  Your mate was shaped by their families, or lack thereof, as were you.  However, you should come together and be in agreement on the MAJOR things (refer back to the 7 chapter titles above).  For example, if your significant other prefers to smoke his/her life away and hang out in the streets every chance he/she gets, and you are not interested in those things, problems will arise.  If BOTH of you are “shoppers” vs one being a shopper and one being a saver, or BOTH of you being tight wads w the funds, then oh yes indeedington…problems will arise LMAO.  If you are one w a strong work ethic, realizing the absolute truth of “if you don’t work, you don’t eat”, and your significant other can’t hold a job due to reasons such as “I don’t like people telling me what to do” (yet AINT STARTED ANRA-NARRY BUSINESS TO BRING IN REVENUE, but thinks he/she gives sound advice on HOW to move around in life), problems will arise.  Not saying that the two of you can’t have different views on things, but on the MAJOR things though?  Yeah…you’re gonna have a problem if those don’t mesh.  If you don’t like sports and he/she does, fine.  If you aren’t interested in sushi and he/she is, that’s fine.  If he/she thinks the idea of “money well spent” means how many times you buy up the bar at various clubs though…you get where I’m going w this.

**So how DOES it work?  You have to communicate; LISTEN; be honest about what you want; be straight forward about what you will and will not deal with; learn the definition of the word “compromise”; be supportive; show RESPECT…and while you’re doing all of things, don’t lose yourself during the process and pursuit of a healthy relationship. It’s always been ok to just be YOU…so why change what attracted them to you in the first place?  It’s scary to love someone, and allow yourself to be close to them…risky, yet rewarding; I’m all for it…

**–this paragraph in particular is also relative in platonic/familial relationships, not JUST intimate ones…#CLEVER huh?

*smoochface*

Elle