Feel What You Feel, But Your Attitude Determines Altitude (14)

Lately, I have been feeling all KINDS of things that aren’t of my normal character. No, I do not want to cause any physical harm to anyone nor do I want to take my life–nothing ridiculous or ratchet like that–I’ve just been “in my feelings” about ANY AND EVERYTHING.

And so what; I’m just being Lauran; speaks nothing to my gender.

It speaks to everything about being a brat. Let my Aunt Terri tell it…I’m STILL spoiled right now today LOL. I’m no baby; I certainly hold my own…but sometimes I think way more than I probably should about what isn’t here yet.

Foooooooor example, I do indeed desire another place of employment, and my search is ongoing. I feel that I am totally wasting precious brain juice here, that I am not challenged, and that this just isn’t “it”. I’m not happy in this job AT all. In the midst of my displeasure, I started my own business…a PR Firm. Yes, in a ROTTEN economic period, I’ve decided to become an entrepreneur. Doing all things related to my new venture has actually brought about peace to my spirit. I happen to be having a conversation w someone about my “job”, and I was told that I needed to stop reflecting on the negative (not wanting to be in said job) and focus on the positive (how I’ve started my business). I was told that not only is negative thinking not going to help, but it will KEEP me in my current position. Lord KNOWS I do not want to remain in that spot, so w more prayer (glad God doesn’t get tired of me) and a positive attitude, I will eventually be free and in a position that better uses my gifts. I’ve claimed a better life and it must start w a better attitude!

If you’re honest w yourself, you’ve had your moments. The KEY, though, is not to STAY in those moments. Every now and then, I am in a frustrated place because I’ve allowed my feelings or thoughts to overshadow what “is”. I start to feel like who I am is “not enough”, and I find myself upset at what I’ve built up in my mind (key phrase here?: “what I built up in my mind”, not what actually “is”). I wasn’t like this in my 20s. Honey PUHLEEEEEEEZE…in my 20s, I didn’t care about much; I felt like I had so much “time” to do WHATEVER. But I’m in my mid-30s now–I’m 34 to be exact–and at this stage in my life, I’m more emotional than I’ve ever been. I don’t pretend that a thing doesn’t bother me when it actually does. I’m TOTALLY in tune w my emotional side, and I don’t apologize for it. And since I was created by perfection, He understands where I am/who I am/what I need. Just knowing all of that–that I am truly taken care of–makes it alright. It makes me feel as though I can make it through a work day. I feel like I have the patience to wait for those things that will eventually make it to my doorstep. Thinking about how good life actually is for me almost instantly improves my attitude. My “inner” forecast? Sunny, a high of 82 degrees w no chance of rain. I can bounce anything of a negative source off of me, because I choose not to let it get to my spirit. It’s not easy, and I have my moments even in knowing Whose I am, but I CAN do it. You have no idea the number of times I have to take a breather, pray, and snap back just to get through a work day at my “job”. AND I GET THROUGH IT. I recognize that I have every right to feel how I feel, but I have to determine exactly where I want to go…my finger points up. Few things that will constantly keep me in tact:

1. When I feel myself out of sorts, I pray harder. I pray every day, sometime multiple TIMES a day; I don’t have a problem leaving from where I am, going to my car/stepping outside to say a quick prayer that will snap me back to a happy place.
2. I will look for a scripture or a quote that speaks to my situation. Self explanatory…
3. I try my best to determine where the source of my frustration is coming from. Then I simply ask God to give me peace.
4. I think about how bad things actually COULD be, and then I look at where I am. So I’m pitchin’ a lil fit/havin’ a “brat attack”; Lauran, get over it…I mean really…HOWEVER, the things that I have experienced in my life are a big deal to me–may not be of concern to anyone else, but my life’s timeline is mine, which makes it important. I don’t downplay what I’ve been through, or “dumb down” my stuff to make someone else feel better; it is what it is. So I am SO VERY PROUD of how far I have come and the “bullets I dodged” along the way…

God has a desire to see me do great things; I don’t ever want to disappoint Him by thinking that I am less than what He has created me to be. I am MORE than enough…I am equipped, I am able, I am resilient and I am unique. I have nothing to worry about because, in the words of the illustrious Michael Franks, it was here all along “on the inside” (Song Title “On The Inside” by Michael Franks). I’ve taken the liberty of attaching the lyrics:

I’ve wasted a lifetime
Pursuing an image that did not exist
Except in my own mind
Except in my own dream.
My life has convinced me
That happines never can really be found
Until you remember
The voice of your own heart.

It’s all on the inside
To say you can find it elsewhere
Would be wrong.
It’s all on the inside
Each soul has its song.
It was here all along
On the inside.

It cannot be captured
On canvas it cannot be
Carved into stone.
No art can sustain it
Believe me I’ve tried.
It always eludes you
No matter what strategem
You may devise.
It’s no destination
A compass can find.

There’s only love on the inside
No counterfeit no need for it.
A perfect place for your heart to hide
No danger near nothing to fear.
Life’s hurricane can’t reach within
–>P.S.-That particular Michael Franks’ song is a #favorite of my late Mother. It is an absolutely BEAUTIFUL song…<–

*smoochface*

Elle

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QUESTIONS…Do You Know Where And Who You Are? (6)

I’m the LAST person to try and slide my way into someone’s personal affairs, however there is always a time where a person can self reflect, regroup, reinvent, etc.  I don’t care who you are either…there is no way that remaining the same will produce different results.  :O)

With that said, I’ve come up w a list of questions that I feel need to be answered…but to yourselves.  If you want to answer them publicly, then so do, because guess what…that’s your business and your choice.  But regardless, folks’ lives are overdue for a sprucing.   

Maybe a nice lil walk would be a good way to ponder these questions…

Or…go to a place like this one in your mind…

Time to go though…
1. What “mindless behavior” can you cease in order to achieve your goals?
2. Sooooo…do you even have a list of goals?
3. When’s the last time you spent time w God?
4. How are you using your gifts?
5. Who are you envious/jealous of?
6. How are you giving back to your community?
7. How often do you tell a loved one (your choice of who) that you love them/appreciate them?
8. If you plan to be a Wife/Husband one day, are you taking the time to check yourself of behaviors that you need not bring into a relationship as serious as that? (you do INDEED have to practice those behaviors which you plan to make permanent…and they will become permanent)
9. That one person that doesn’t add ANYTHING to your life…why are they still allowed to be involved in your decision-making?
10. Do you seek to find the positive in a situation?
11. Are you one who always seems to think that you have these “pseudo-haters”? *rolls eyes*
12. Living above your means?
13. What sacrifices are you making to leave that situation (i.e. relationship/job/etc) that you constantly complain about?
14. Did you know that perception REALLY IS REALITY?  (Rather unfortunate truth, but a truth all the same…)
15. How do you handle conflict?
16. Are you “selfish” or “selfless”?
17. You have dreams of becoming a designer/business owner/etc…do you know how to form a complete sentence? (I’m not even being funny…it’s just TONS of so-called “Bosses” out here w no idea of how to use correct grammar, amongst other things)
18. Are you always the one telling everyone what your next move is?
19. Are you ashamed of the love you’re in/person you’re with?
20. Being bold/blunt is definitely a great thing…do you know how to be “tactful” though?
21. What is your prayer life looking like?
22. Who do you trust?
23. Who trusts you?
24. You solicit support for your endeavors…when’s the last time YOU supported an endeavor?
25. Are you always “right”?
27. Hell yeah you can shop til you drop and flaunt your digs…you still stayin’ at the crib or do you have your own?
28. What does your faith rest in?
29. What are you afraid of?
30. Who are you living your life for?
31. Did you realize that there was no question 26? (ha! Had to throw a curve ball)

Your greatest investment is yourself…or are you investing in what goes ON your “self”.  That’s whack…that stuff has no value in the grand scheme of things…you may look good (you “may” *shrugs*), but styles are always changing. Trends are fleeting; truth is forever; if you lie to or cheat yourself, you will have no problems doing the same thing to me or the next person.  So before someone else gets the opportunity to “tell you who YOU are”, why not figure that out for yourself. #ThankMeLater

*smoochface*

Elle

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